Saturday, January 12, 2013

Retreat or Community Conquest?

Robin is on a women's retreat with the ladies from our church. She has left Nora, Nigel, and I alone to fend for our selves. This shall serve as an account of our days...

Day One - Friday Night

Robin and the women folk were scheduled to leave town at 4pm, 4pm! That is before dinner! Obviously she left something going in the crock pot or a meal kept warm in the oven, right? No! You can already see the beginnings of their evil plans. They are trying to starve the men of Eureka, leaving us in a weakened state, and take over town upon their return.

Proof you say. Well if it is proof you want of their dastardly plans then it is proof you shall have.

First, Robin has had the whole family eating in a much healthier fashion for the last year; no processed foods, no sugar added foods, basically if your grandmother would not recognize it as food, then it most likely isn't and we aren't eating it. That means there are no frozen pizzas, t.v. dinners, pot pie, or Stouffer's lasagna to throw in the oven and call it dinner.

Second, Robin taught Nora how to make herself a sweet potato in the microwave. What did she teach Nigel before she left? NOTHING! The women stick together and the plot thickens!

Finally, the cupboards were left bare! All that was left was an ever growing shopping list. It is well documented in many television sitcoms that men are not capable of handling the shopping.

The seeds have been planted, the plan is in action, and we are clearly doomed. Please, even if you are not religious, pray for the men of Eureka!

Ha! All is not lost! They have forgotten one little fact that will play out to be the downfall of their sinister plan.

I used to own a restaurant.

The men shall persevere.

Stay tuned for the exciting tails to follow.


Disclaimer: actual events may have been exaggerated for comedic effect.

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